Get ready for the Next Big Thing in racing: Spec Land Yacht!

"desertdog5051" (desertdog5051)
12/03/2014 at 16:36 • Filed to: None

f you like squealing tires, serious body roll, and flying hubcaps, Spec Land Yacht is the race series for you!

Since I work as the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , it happens often that the inspiration for a new/improved race series comes to me (usually when I'm on a red-eye flight or in a scary hotel room). This is how !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! came about (still waiting for financial backing on that one), as well as !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (Fiat seems reluctant to back this series, no doubt due to the mistaken belief that the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! no longer adds value to the brand).

Sometimes just shooting the breeze with some like-minded racers is all that's needed for great race-series inspiration. For example, the other night, over beers at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , several LeMons racers— including one who !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , one who !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and one who !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! — brainstormed the race series that we're sure will be bigger than NASCAR: Spec Land Yacht!

The AMC Ambassador would be a fine Spec Land Yacht machine.

The basic idea of a spec racing series is pretty simple: the cars are supposed to be identical to one another, so that the drivers can feel that they are battling mano-a-mano on a level playing field, jousting like knights of old or some such gibberish. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , the most efficient means ever devised for !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! once-happy little sports cars, is the best-known, but you've also got your !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and so on.

Those races might be sort of fun for the participants, but only the most tedious and/or obsessed of race fans would want to sit through one of those events. Not so with Spec Land Yacht! Everything about this spec series will be aimed at optimizing the stuff that made chase scenes in cop TV shows and movies of the 1970s and 1980s so great: the scream of skinny tires being abused, flying hubcaps, large-displacement V8s whooshing through restrictive factory exhaust systems, and more flying hubcaps!

All Spec Land Yacht cars will need Brougham, Landau, and/or d'Elegance emblems.

So, let's get into the basic rules of Spec Land Yacht. Rather than just sticking to a single make/model, the Spec Land Yacht organizers understand that all proper land yachts are more or less the same , and so this series will be open to any 1958-1990 passenger car with a wheelbase of no less than 109 inches and a minimum factory curb weight (3,500 pounds for 1958-69 cars, 3,600 pounds for 1970-1979 cars, and 3,700 pounds for 1980-1990 cars), and that has appeared as a participant in a chase scene in at least one cop show or movie released during the 1970-1989 period. There will be no limits on engines or transmissions (trust me, race organizers don't want to get bogged down in the quagmire of running-gear inspections if they can avoid it), but all cars must have a single functional tailpipe with an inside diameter of no more than 2-3/4" and mufflers that limit maximum noise to 85 decibels.

The Douglas Xtra Trac 2 all-season radial, size 215/70R15, will be the only tire allowed in Spec Land Yacht competition. Photo by Walmart

The reason that competitors won't gain much from modified engines or manual transmissions will be the spec tire of the series: the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , available in great quantity at any of 4,900+ Walmart stores across the country. This skinny, long-wearing tire, with a tread compound as hard as the finest old-growth mahogany, will ensure that each Spec Land Yacht competitor will present a spectacle of iffy traction and exciting squealing noises. Imagine the glorious sight of a trio !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! going three-wide into a corner, Xtra Tracs shrieking!

And just to make things more interesting, Spec Land Yacht's rules will mandate both factory steel wheels and full hubcaps… and if a car loses all four hubcaps, the driver will need to pit and apply a complete set of replacements (at the end of each race session, the wrecker crews will gather up all the hubcaps and the racers will be required to play poker to win them back, using hubcaps as chips). Each race team will need to bring at least a few dozen hubcaps as part of the crew's equipment.

You can get beater Lincoln Continentals for scrap value these days

There will be a few more refinements, all aimed at increasing the vintage-cop-show-style drama on the track— no limited-slip differentials allowed, for example— but you get the basic idea of Spec Land Yacht. Now all we need is some wealthy Cayman Islands-based investors looking to back a race series as part of a complex tax-avoidance scheme and we'll be ready to start booking tracks!

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The Team Sputnik Plymouth Fury looked and sounded quite dramatic at the Southern Discomfort 24 Hours of LeMons. Imagine a whole track full of such cars! Photo by Murilee Martin

If you like squealing tires, serious body roll, and flying hubcaps, Spec Land Yacht is the race series for you!

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The AMC Ambassador would be a fine Spec Land Yacht machine.

All Spec Land Yacht cars will need Brougham, Landau, and/or d'Elegance emblems.

The Douglas Xtra Trac 2 all-season radial, size 215/70R15, will be the only tire allowed in Spec Land Yacht competition. Photo by Walmart

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You can get beater Lincoln Continentals for scrap value these days

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DISCUSSION (11)

area man > desertdog5051
12/03/2014 at 16:40

This is two copies of the same article, right? Or did I drink too much at lunch again...

desertdog5051 > area man
12/03/2014 at 16:44

I want to blame Kinja but it was probably something I did. (hic)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > area man
12/03/2014 at 16:44

Not mutually exclusive.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > desertdog5051
12/03/2014 at 16:47

If you want to make it really fun, require that all factory emissions systems are in place and work.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > desertdog5051
12/03/2014 at 17:00

Kinja'd!!!

Way ahead of ya.

Introducing: Angry Pooting Buick-Spec Racing.

Thunderface > desertdog5051
12/03/2014 at 17:01

Something tells me that Panthers would be VERY good at this

MultiplaOrgasms > desertdog5051
12/03/2014 at 18:08

A long time ago (last month) I had the idea of land yacht Rallycross. The concept is basically the same, except it is on short, twisty dirt tracks and its not so much about recreating the gloriousity of 1970s Cop shows. Regulations are quite similar, the cars have to be a minimum of 200in in length and 4000lbs in weight (weight shedding is prohibited), also engines must not exceed 220hp. No modifications aside from safety. The points system is frankly brilliant: 1st gets ten points, 2nd nine and so on, but additional points will be rewarded for special achievements. The car with the worst hp/l ratio will be rewarded 5 extra points, same goes for worst power/weight and largest amount of woodgrain. Now, to keep the championship exiting, drivers will get one additional point for every fuel stop and overtake. Every track will feature a jump, and the car to achieve the longest air time gets two points. The race will be analysed by five independent judges to find the Crash of the Race, drivers involved will be rewarded five points and a crate of beer. If one driver wins three races, he has to swap his car for a 1980 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser Diesel with a Miata tied to the roof, but he won't be awarded the hp/l, power/weight and woodgrain bonus'. If he loses the Miata he has to pit and tie it up again. He'll have to use this car until another driver wins three races.

Tohru > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
12/03/2014 at 18:09

You and I have VASTLY different definitions of fun, friend.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Tohru
12/03/2014 at 18:12

What, you don't want to see a 6000 lb cadillac with a 500 ci engine putting out under 200 hp? I think it would be hilarious.

Tohru > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
12/03/2014 at 18:29

No, I'm all for big, heavy, low output cars.

Kinja'd!!!

Ancient emissions equipment is fucking terrible though.

Decay buys too many beaters > desertdog5051
12/03/2014 at 18:47

I've wanted to do this ever since I took a rented Lincoln Town Car to an autocross.

Let me know if you get this going and run part of the series in the northwest. You'd have at least one entrant here.